Achilleus

Ice Wall

2005-07-28T19:15:00.000+05:30

I feel an Ice wall between us,
at times I feel it melting and,
see the inner you;

But suddenly it becomes
frigid again,
I wish to break this wall,

Alas! it's too late...

One year over and many more to come...

2005-07-11T19:55:00.000+05:30

Last year on July, 2004 I had started my blog. I wish to celebrate the completion of its one year. While writing this post I recollect a poem by Oliver Windell Holmes - (I have made some changes of course)

IF all the trees in all the woods were men;
And each and every blade of grass a pen;
If every leaf on every shrub and tree
Turned to a sheet of foolscap; every sea
Were changed to ink, and all earth’s living tribes
Had nothing else to do but act as scribes,
And for ten thousand ages, day and night,

I shall write, and write, and write,
Till all the pens and paper were used up,
And the huge inkstand was an empty cup,
Still would the scribblers clustered round its brink
Call for more pens, more paper, and more ink.

I wish to jog down my amnesia lanes to pick out a few of my writings which I liked -
1) My First Poem
2) Hide & Seek - Newtonian Way
3) Shhhhh !! A Moment of Silence...
4) Euphemisms
5) The finer things in life
6) Engineering Over...

In addition to all these, the past year saw the birth of another blog or should I say a photo-blog.

The Story

2005-05-11T19:45:00.000+05:30

He had a terrible headache, even a walk 5 minutes ago didn't alliviate his pain. His pain reached far beyond the limits of what the material world can inflict. But he had to carry on. His mind was surrounded by a very few eventualities which the realm of any mortal mind could foresee. His purpose was not to do what he was doing, but fate had its way this time.
After entering his room, his eyes fell on his table where his worst fears lay. He knew he had to face it. He sat heavily on his chair. Beads of perspiration were dripping down his forehead. It was 9'o clock and time was running out. He forced himself to turn his head and look at the book. As soon as he saw it, his mind began to reel. Hardly would there have existed a book in the history of human civilisation which would have caused so much mental torture and agony. He opened the book and started to suck on its contents.
After 4 hours, without his consent 'sleep' - the brother of death overtook him. At 01:30, his mother comes into his room and finds his son fast asleep with his head on the table. Out of curiosity she lifts the cover of the book to see the title. It was written 'Total Quality Managment'.
Can you guess who the 'HE' in this story was ??

Engineering over. . .

2005-04-17T20:48:00.000+05:30

44 subjects and 16 lab practicals later it's over at last ! Well it was an amazing journey. Couldn't believe it got over so fast. . .

Jimi Hendrix in the making

2005-04-06T13:10:00.000+05:30

For the past 2 weeks or so I have been really busy with my guitar classes. It was my childhood dream to learn Banjo Eli, but I can settle with a guitar. I’m really proud of my guitar, since that’s what people do with it when they don’t know how to play. Here’s a picture of it, for all of you to drool and then drown in it . . . ; - )

Camera Smitten

2005-03-25T12:05:00.000+05:30

I haven't been blogging for the past 20 days. The reason being my darn camera. I'm too addicted
to it. My obsession with photography can be seen from the fact that in the past 2 months,
I have taken 800 odd snaps. Finally I have decided to make my photography public. I have started a photo blog named SnapShots2097. Another pal of mine who is also currently suffering from the
same disease is vivek.

The finer things in life

2005-03-06T17:57:00.000+05:30

In today’s hectic and machanised world we are so busy to get along with our routines that we forget to appreciate the finer things of life. These inner incidents which happen with everyone are humorous in more ways than one. It’ just that they occur so frequently to us that we forget to appreciate them. Let me take the opportunity to bring light to a few of these –

· Has it ever happened to you that you keep looking at your watch and still don’t know what time it is. You look at it again and still don’t know that time. If someone asks you the time at this moment, you just go blank before saying “ I don’t know !! ”.

· Sometimes it’s Tuesday and all day long you keep thinking it’s Wednesday. You cannot believe it that you are wrong and when you wake up the next day you are right all over again.
· Sometimes in your home as you go from one room to the other and as you enter the room you forget why you were there in the first place. At such moments 2 words float across your mind ‘ Alzheimer’s Disease ‘.

· Has it ever happened that you were talking to yourself when suddenly someone comes into the room and you have to make them believe that you were singing.

· Sometimes when you are sitting in a train and there is a train adjacent to yours, one train starts moving and you were not able to say which one of them is moving. Someone asks,” which one is moving ? “ . you say,” I guess that train . holy shit I can’t believe it. It’s our train that is moving”.

· When you are about to pick up a suitcase, has it ever happened to you that you thought it was full but actually it’s empty. During that split second you fell more powerful then you ever thought you could be.

· When you go to a park you see a chain fence. While running ( or moving ) when you look at the chain fence it appears to you that there was no fence at all. You go something like,” My god, where did the fence go?? I could bet it was right here”. It is what I would call ‘ The Chain-Fence mystery ‘.

· Sometimes you see dirt on some known acquaintance’s face and you try to point it to them so that they can clean it. Somehow they never seem to locate the right spot.

· In shopping malls where there are plenty of fluorescent bulbs and by chance you see yourself in the mirror. What you observe is indescribable. You could see your ugliest self emerge from nowhere. All the pimples, scars, acnes, spots, black heads, skin infections that you have ever had from childhood seem to come out at the same time.

· Sometimes you suffer from a bad cold ( everyone does ). You wake up in the morning and while brushing your teeth you sense a sneeze coming. And you don’t know what to do. Reluctantly you eat up the sneeze and hope you haven’t swallowed the froth along with it.

· When you are climbing the stairs, all confident and debonair. You suddenly stumble at the top. You thought there was another step but there isn’t. At such peril times when embarrassment stares you in the face you got to make believe the people around that what just happened is a habit of yours and that you do it all the time.

· Similarly when climbing down the staircase you stumble over and you could bet your life in the fact that there was another step their. Physically you feel your hips are in your chest but you cannot show such feelings. You wear a sheepish smile around your face as if to suggest that such things always happen.

· On a real hot day when you are licking on a cone of ice-cream you develop a frozen spot on the inside of the throat. It’s really irritating because you feel a tickling sensation and at the same time you can’t reach at that spot. After som time you feel alright and then what do you do? Eat more ice-cream.

· Some times when you fall asleep in the afternoon and wake up late in the night you are nonplussed as to whether it’s day or early morning. Sometimes you also forget what day it is. It’s what is called the advanced stages of Syphilis.

· When you are sleeping on a bed and your pillow falls down. When you look at it with one eye closed you fell as if the pillow was right in front of you. You could bet on that. But when you see with both eyes you see it ‘move’ down. It’s what I call the mystery of the moving pillow. I personally think this mystery is linked with ‘ The mystery of the Rail Fence ‘.

· Sometimes when you are pissing and you realize a sneeze is about to surface. You don’t know what to do. It is at these times that I appreciate the amazing complexity of the brain. It decides for me. It immediately instructs me to stop pissing and when you finish the sneeze you resume your uncompleted work again. The brain knows that if you do both the things at the same time you’ll blow your ass out !!

There are many more but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to hint at. This article was to enlighten you and to encourage you to appreciate the finer things in life.

Software Bandwagon

2005-02-23T17:08:00.000+05:30

The other day I and my friend vikraman were perambulating near our college. Suddenly we saw this lorry full of bi-pedal, vertebrate creatures. We couldn’t help but drift our thoughts to the ongoing rush in the software field i.e. ‘ Software Bandwagon ‘.

A Sequeal to Euphemisms

2005-02-19T14:26:00.000+05:30

Man these Euphemisms are getting to me !! here’s another one in this genre. The first one was a general one, but this deals with the pathetic euphemisms used to describe the conditions of soldiers. They do so much to protect our country and to give self-esteem and honor to a country and we repay them by these insults. To give you a snippet, a soldier who has been in war for a considerable period of time leads to frustration, anxiety, psychological disorders. Basically it’s a state where the soldier snaps his nerves and goes nuts ( it’s something like trying to run and shit at the same time ). They go miles away from sanity.

This particular condition was called ‘ Shell-shock ‘ during the first world war. Simple and clear. Only 2 syllables long and easy to pronounce. It describes the state of a soldier perfectly and at the same time doesn’t hurt his feelings.

As time passed, during the second world war Shell-shock changed to ‘ Battle Fatigue ‘. This is 4 syllables long. Not as clear as the previous one and makes it more soft and less severe.

In and around 1950’s Battle Fatigue was upgraded to ‘ Operational Exhaustion ‘. Doesn’t it sound like something in relation to a car, Operational exhaustion!! It now became 8 syllables long.

Now this particular state which the soldiers suffer is called ‘ Post-traumatic Stress Disorder ‘. It’s still 8 syllables but it hardly focuses on the problems the soldiers face. It’s stressful enough to pronounce this word !!

Euphemisms

2005-02-06T18:25:00.000+05:30

Over the last 100 years English language has undergone major transition in the way it’s expressed. We no longer seem to put things in the straight way, the round about route is preferred. Moreover it is associated to be a behavioral trait i.e. if one uses more euphemisms in his language he’s said to be urbane and polished and the rest are all brutes. These euphemisms are tricky things, they ought to be handled well. Personally euphemisms take the life out of the language. In the moral world we live in, euphemisms would be charged of murder of first degree. Here are some which are so frequently used by us – ( right – the word, left – euphemism )

Fat person – horizontally challenged
Handicapped – Physical disability / Physically challenged
Short man – Vertically challenged
Blindness – visual impairment
Old persons – senior citizens
Exercise – physical training
Cooking – appropriate preparedness of the amino acids, carbohydrates, minerals & vitamins to be physically consumed
Running et al – track events
Death – to pass away / to leave us / expire
Toilet paper – bathroom tissue
Sneakers – running shoes
False teeth – dental appliances
Medicines – medication
Information – directory assistance
Dumping area – landfill
Car crashes – automobile accidents
Partly cloudy – partly sunny
Motels – motor lodges
House trailers – mobile homes
Used cars – previously owned transportation
Room service – guest room dining
Constipation – occasional irregularity
Hospital – health maintenance organization / wellness centre
Doctor – health care professional
Slums – illegally occupied, economically disadvantaged city areas
Killing – depopulation / nutralising
To lie – dis-information
Murderers – commandos / crime fighters
Nuclear radiation – sun shine units
Terrorists – freedom fighters
Fire men – fire fighters
Cripples – people in need of special assistance / differently abled
Deaf – hearing impaired
Stupid people – learning disorder / minimally exceptional
Ugly people – people with severe appearance deficits

All these euphemisms are so make belief that it takes people into another world where they feel that the problems they are dealing with are not so bad after all. It makes them fell less concerned with the issues at hand. Things are getting so bad that soon a rape victim would be called as ‘ an unwilling sperm recipient ‘ and a rapist as ‘ a willing sperm donor ‘.

Rape victim – unwilling sperm recipient
Rapist – willing sperm donor

To continue . . .

90 years old – 90 years young
old – older
malpractice – experimental misadventure

This brutal distortion of language makes me want to vomit or should I say ' to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill ' .

Headlines Galore

2005-01-31T11:46:00.000+05:30

It’s been my practice for the past 3 months to just glance over the headlines. The content can be guessed to a certain degree of accuracy. The worldly news has become so mundane & predictable to this intellectual mind, that they just seem to be a mere wastage of the precious resource called ‘Time’. It has been going fine till the other day when the dickens of these headlines raised its ugly head and I got a good taste of how misunderstanding can be given a good opportunity to play its game on you. ( Try reading these as a connected sentences ).

Celebrate the festive Spirit | Silver Lamps go missing in Temple | Sachin rules | A minor girl raped in Mumbai | V.Anand eyes big fish | Shakeela to act as Magdalene | Want help ?? | PM asks media to go global | Sale 50% off | Net profit for Bald & the Beautiful | US bombs wrong target in Iraq | Old people told to stay alert | Now Few farmers die due to suicide | Farmer run over by lorry | Forest VIP’s have a wild time | Secrets revealed | 10 year old suffocates under old clothes piles | 7 Indians get French awards | 113-year old women dies | Police more vigilant now | Burglars loot 5 houses | Police man shoots himself | Explosives recovered | Foreign brands flock to India | Pill to prevent heart stroke | For baby soft elbows & knees | Eat or be Eaten | Bomb erupted in Madurai | Pak gas fields stays shut | Ayurvedic capsule to cure gas troubles | Lalu in a new Avatar | Sonia steps in to pacify Lalu | Govinda and Mithun chocroborthy to act in a movie | Sensex takes a 112-point plunge | Paper shortage ?? | Ration cards put to good use |

There you go. I went bonkers after this newspaper reading session. Probably this is how Porky Pig & Elmerfud felt trying to understand Theory of Reletivity…

Keywords of 2005

2005-01-24T13:49:00.000+05:30

Well it’s 24 days past the new year and contrary to all my wishes I haven’t grown taller or broader. Like any year 2005 promises to be a action packed 364 1/4 days, but there are certain key words which will ‘Iterate & Refine’ through this phase. Probably if you put in all the newspapers of the world into a word processing machine at the end of the year, these particular words will be the most popular and the most used in this year. These words are all related to the incidental causes of the unknown which is vastly thought of as the psychic powers of the mystical mind. They are to be treated as any other words and without any discrimination. They are words after all, they too have feelings. So before any further delay, I give you this -

Most -

1) Bush ( I’m referring to the both kinds !! just joking )
2) War against terrorism
3) AIDS
4) Parliament Walkouts.
5) China
6) Obituaries

Least -

1) Peace on Earth.
2) I’m least likely to hear about an easy going half-witted, jerk-off in Mars.
3) Hopefully
4) Victorious
5) Nature
6) Family planning

Well here they are, for all of you to watch and analyze. I know what all of you must be thinking, " what a lousy half-baked article !@#$ ". Well yes, I agree. You think of the most ugliest thing in the world and this article is uglier than that. Even Argus would look cute in comparison to this article!! This is a shit of an article and it is a disgrace to the entire fraternity of ‘ articalism ’. I think this article sets new standards or should I say re-defines the lowest possible standard you can think of to write the worst, most pathetic and the most senseless piece of crap you can think of. Articles aren’t and shouldn’t just be a collection of alphabets with no sense ( this is akin to the numerous politicians who meet up in the parliament to decide the country policies ). In both cases nothing productive turns out. Language and alphabets should be treated with divinity. They should be respected, and only then will they give you glory and satisfaction. I seriously pity that part of the brain of the writer who had such pathetic ideas, I think he’s diseased !! he ought to meet up with a psychiatrist and fix up his nuts… ( If he can find them that is)

Shhhhh !! A Moment of Silence... ( Humour )

2005-01-03T23:16:00.000+05:30

As every one knows, I don't have sense of humor and I really am pathetic at it. But what the hell I'll give it a shot - As the death toll reaches 2 lakh in the tsunami tragedy, let us take a minute to honor those who have parted. ‘ A Moment of silence ‘ as it is called is used to honor the dead. Why in the name of any well bread, half-witted, mentally tangled numb nuts does it have to be ‘ A Moment of Silence ‘ ??
I mean, how about a minute of shouting to honor the dead. Just to spice things up. That should put the mourners in a good mood for the party, which is to be followed after ‘ The Honor code ‘. There is a second point which bothers me to no end. In any normal accident like the one we had a week ago, there end up far more casualties than the dead, then how about following a moment of muffled conversation to honor them. Why does it always have to be the dead?? Don’t we want to celebrate life ??
Any one agree with me ??

Dummies Guide to Identifing The New Year ( Subjective )

2004-12-31T09:46:00.000+05:30

Well the new year's here !! By saying that I don't mean to personify ' The New Year ' and it hasn't actually come to me and wished me. But the simplest way to judge whether it's a new year or not is to check the following symptoms. They occur every year and is akin to a world-wide epidemic ( amazing the WHO officials haven't realised yet). This epidemic is more like a syndrome known as ' The-New-Year-once-in-a-year-syndrome ' where people all round the glode in every corner of the world ( this point actually irritates me, we all know the globe is a sphere and there are no corner's in a sphere. Then why in the name of neptune is the expression 'In all corner's of the world ' ?? ) instead of treating the disease actually celebrate it. Any way here are some point's to remember to identify the new year -

1) outside every house you see heaps of calenders thrown out.

2) if your wall calender says december 31, then the next day has to be new year.

3) a group of half-witted, silly numb nuts decide to make new year resolutions

4) if you include a bit of complexity into the process. measure the position of the Alpha Centuri stars with respect to the Earth's longitude and latitude on the 31st december of any year. exactly after the 364 1/4 days when the earth is on the same latitude and longitude you have your new year on that day. Simple isn't it !!

5) But if you ask me, we are encouraged always from the childhood to think differently and to expand your imagination and to let our thoughts reach the skies. Well in that case I wouldn't bother much about the new year. Live and Let Live, I don't bother the new year and it doesn't bother me....

Tsunami Debacle ( poetry )

2004-12-27T17:30:00.000+05:30

Oh god what have you done,
it was a beautiful sunday,
and people looking forward for a Salami meal,
instead you gave them a Tsunami meal.

Oh god what have you done,
one moment it was land,
and the next it was water,
exponentially increasing the confusion levels of the normal person.

Oh god what have you done,
did they deserve all this,
they are all your children,
atleast you could have considered people who couldn't swim.

Oh god what have you done,
people were at the beach for a walk on a sunday with their families,
one instant they were hale and hearty,
and the next completely terminated much like the pogrom of nazis.

Oh god what have you done,
next time you plan to do something like this,
atleast warn us through Iris,
your trusted servant.

May god RIP the 10,000 odd soules that freed the Earth of their weight...

A Notice ...

2004-12-27T17:25:00.000+05:30

From here on I'll be categorising my posts for the convenience of the reader. A humorous post will have a 'humour' written along with the title. So on and so forth. This should give the reader a clear idea as to what's going to hit them!!

The Great Indian Cricket Team !!

2004-12-26T21:03:00.000+05:30

Well, what can I say. Only India can do this. Just a fortnight ago there was a serious talk about whether it's fair or not to allow teams like India play against minnows like Bangladesh. It would silence the critics after the thumping victory in the 2nd ODI.
In fact I would say that which ever team, whenever they want to feel good about themselves should definately play against India. They have the capability to make any team feel good about themselves. I would go to the extreme to say that our cricket team doesn't have that edge and the sting to finish it off. They have always been on the softer side of things. A very noble quality indeed, some might say. Any team after a series with India feel rejuvinated and on top of the world. That's just how a blade of grass feels under rain or a sunflower under the sun or better Pamela Anderson after a photo session. What say??

Swades - We the people

2004-12-24T22:34:00.000+05:30

Just back from the new Shah Rukh Khan movie 'Swadesh'. The movie is a nice watch. In fact I would go as far as saying that it's a must watch for every Indian....

To Kiss or Not to

2004-12-21T14:09:00.000+05:30

Weel for one thing I really appreciate, Hurrah to the new innovations in technology, may they flourish like the population of rats. There is a point of view that technology is being misused. well, the people who say this are all cynics. They are too cranky and all screwed up in the head to appreciate the wonders of new and innovative technology.
The recent scandal concerning the obscene kissing scene between the movie stars Kareena kapoor & Shaid kapoor is an apt example of this case. Well, critics call it misuse of technology. But then what else are you supposed to do with a camera/video phone?? Well you cannot stop people to not use their gadgets, so the best solution is - " Kareena, you should learn to keep where your tongue belongs, that's your mouth"...

Vulgarity or Sensuality ??

2004-12-20T09:11:00.000+05:30

I came home after a break of almost 6 months. In this gap I hardly had a chance to watch television as I don't have one. Anyways I came home expecting a nice time in front of the 'Idiot box'. To my horror and discomfort I found most of the stuff that comes on television is nothing but a skin show. Let me be frank with you, I do like to watch it!! But then you are caught in an awkward moment when your mom or dad catches you ogling at those lovely heroins on screen. You sort of pretend as though the remote is not working, give it a good shake and make a helpless looking face and say "Damn! may be the batteries are out".
Anyways, what i'm trying to get at is that there is so much of this love, romance and mushy emotional shit in the serials and the movies that it actually motivates the eager and receptive minds to actually try it out. A recent case can be seen from this MMS Scandal. These kids have ruined their lives to say the least. This excessive portrayal of the love factor ( which definately involves the sex part ) churn the hormones and those desires. It is only human to want to try it out practically. Bollywood seems to have found it's latest passion- 'Romance'. The latest trend seems to be ' Romance replaces Violence '. Any movie worth its matter definately has this love element, which inevitably takes the viewer to Eldorado. As for me, I'm yet to devise ways to have a sneek-peek at those gorgeous females with plenty of oomph. Happy viewing!!

Hide & Seek - Newtonian Way

2004-12-19T11:47:00.000+05:30

Long long ago, all the famous scientists decided to meet and celebrate their successes. Every type and genre of scientist were present. Their was Einstein, Newton, Mary Curie at al. Name a scientist and you have them their. All of them decided to play the game of hide and seek. After much debate Einstein was decided to be the seeker. He started counting till 100 and everyone was running hither and tither much like the leaves of a tree during a tornade session. Anyway everyone went for hiding except Newton. he just stood behind Einstein and made a square measuring 1m x 1m. After making the square on the ground, he stood inside it and waited for Einstein to finish the count. After finishing his count till 100, einstein turned and the following dialogue took
place -

Einstein - Hey Newton , You are the first One to be out. Thanks for making my life easy...

Newton - You are wrong Einstein. I'm not Out.

Einstein - You didn't hide and you are the first one to be spotted. that means you are out...

Newton - You are wrong again Einstein. i'm not out.

Einstein - ( now getting furious by the minute ) According to the rules of the game, You are out...

Newton - You are wrong again Einstein. I'm not out.

Einstein - ( Now fuming ) What's the matter with you, you numb nut !! you are out...

Newton - ( very sternly ) No, I'm not ...

Einstein - ( trying to regain his stability ) Tell me why you are not out??

Newtoon - Because I'm standing in a square of dimensions 1m x 1m . And Newton per meter square is
1 Pascal. So Pascal is out not me!!!

Morbid fear of ' Records '

2004-12-19T09:22:00.000+05:30

I feel humans suffer from this morbid fear of the word 'Record'. That is why they keep celebrating its demise. People celebrate so as to keep alive the Human spirit. When cricket records tumbled in the India - Bangladesh series, we were ready to celebrate the longivity of human achievement. Or the fraility of the individual achievement. How Iconic !! I mean can we count these records which were broken against a side which are the so called 'third world cricket playing nations' ? Can we count centuries scored by tendulkar against minnows like Kenya, Holland, Bangladesh, U.A.E. In that sense the record of Sunil Gavaskar still stands. And also in that sense Gavaskar faced a lot tougher competetion compared to this Era.
In that case, Don Bradman should be declared the 'God of Cricket'. The records of both Sachin tendulkar & Sunil Gavaskar can still be surmountable, but the records of Don Bradman will stand the test of time. In fact the ICC should officialise a 'Bradman Scale'. Based on this scale, a cricketer's records and his achievements are judged. Something like Sachin = 3/4 Bradman. This is something similar to the Dollar Standard for Currency, since we are sure that Dollar will be stable and it can be used as an index. In the same sense, an Aussie scale can be used to judge the standard of a cricketing nation. But at present the Indian Cricket team is recharging itself with the 'Bangla Booster'. An energy gaining tour which will make them fell good about themselves as more records tumble. what say??

War & Peace

2004-12-19T08:34:00.000+05:30

War & Peace hailed by many as one of the greatest works in English Literature has truly lived upto its expectation. This epic by Leo Tolestoy provides great insights into the way we look and perceive life. Through its 2 protagonists Prince Pierre Andrei Bolkonsky and Count Pierre Bezukhof , leo brings out the meaning of life, the purpose of our birth and other related questions. The language used is simply astounding,amazing!! Actually you can take the word excellent and multiply it ten-fold, that's how good the language is. For all you suspence and thriller lovers this book will be a mojor disappointment. In fact, I can go on record and say that they can't even go beyond the 50th page of this voluminous 700 page edition. For all I can say this book exudes a different flovour, which only a few can feel and appreciate.

The Next Take. . .

2004-12-17T14:47:00.000+05:30

It's been october since my last post. i had been in hibernation for the past 2 months ( much like the frogs and the polar bears do). Whoever reads my post ( if at all there are people reading it!) my be wondering whether i'm dead or alive. Well, i'm alive !! I have been really really busy with as the elders call it ' making my life ' . My CAT exam for MBA admissions ended on a good note and the semesters have also bidded farewell. Anyways, it's the last semester of my engineering and now i have got's loads of time. hurrrrahhh. . .

Bride & Prejudice

2004-10-18T15:52:00.000+05:30

‘Bride & prejudice ‘the latest flick from the stable of Gurinder chadha is supposedly an adaptation from the famous classic ‘Pride & Prejudice’. Congrats to Gurinder she has managed to insult Jane Austin in the meanest possible way. To be precise – this film is shit! In fact I would go as far as saying that it is truck loads of shit!! Although there is a so called storyline, the film doesn’t manage to keep the interest of the audience till the end. So far for the storyline, where (as in so many films) aishwarya is confused to the core as to who to marry. Although she was undoubtedly the high point of the movie, se lacked the acting skills to carry it off. The songs being the integral part of any Indian movie, have been messed up to such an extent that I have no words to describe the damage done to the viewers during those painful and agonizing minutes in the theatre. I think due to public safety ‘Anu Malik‘ should stop making songs. Martin Henderson the Hollywood hunk has a taste of Indian cineme what with all the running around the trees. He did a good job nevertheless compared to his previous film ‘Torque’.
In spite of all this the movie carries a hidden meaning and a moral for all its viewer’s. This movie being a bit let down from Gurinder’s last movie ‘Bend it like Beckham’. You might want to watch this movie if you want to increase your ‘tolerance threshold level’...

The Next Breakthrough

2004-10-18T15:48:00.000+05:30

The notion that the world around is continuously evolving is obvious; we rarely grasp its full implications. We do not ordinarily think, for example, of an epidemic disease changing its character as the epidemic spreads. Nor do we think of evolution in plants and animals as occurring in a matter of days or weeks, though it does. And we do not ordinarily imagine the green world around us as a scene of constant, sophisticated chemical warfare, with the plants producing pesticides in response to attack, and insects developing resistance. But that is what happens too.
In the past few years, artificial life had replaced artificial intelligence as a long term computing goal. The idea was to write programs that had the attributes of living creatures – the ability to adapt, cooperate, learn and adjust to change. Many of those qualities were especially important in robotics, and they were starting to be realized with distributed processing or DNA computing.
Distributed processing meant that you divided your work among several processors, or among a network of virtual agents that you created in the computer. There were several basic ways this was done –
1) one way was to create a large population of fairly dumb agents that worked together to accomplish a goal – just like a colony of ants worked together to accomplish a goal.

2) Another method was to make a so-called neural network that mimicked the network of neurons in the human brain. It turned out that even simple neural nets had surprising power. These networks could learn. They could build on those past experiences.

3) The third technique was to create virtual genes in the computer, and let them evolve in the virtual world until some goal was attained.

And there were several other procedures, as well. Taken together, these procedures represented a huge change from the older notions of artificial intelligence. In the old days, programmers tried to write rules to cover every situation. For example, they tried to teach computers that if someone purchased something at the store, they had to pay before leaving. But this commonsense knowledge proved extremely difficult to program. The computer would make mistakes. New rules would be added to avoid the mistakes. Then more mistakes, and more rules. Eventually the programs were gigantic, millions of lines of code, and they began to fail out of the sheer complexity. They were too large to debug. You simply could not figure out where the errors were coming from.
So it began to seem as if the rule – based AI was never going to work. Lots of people made dire predictions about the end of artificial intelligence. They started predicting that the computers would never match human intelligence.
But distributed networks of agents offered an entirely new approach. And the programming philosophy was new, too. The old – rules based programming was “ top down “. The system as a whole was given rules of behavior. But the new programming was “ bottom up “. The program defined the behavior of individual agents at the lowest structural level. But the behavior of the system as a whole was not defined. Instead, the behavior of the system emerged, the result of hundreds of small interactions occurring at a lower level. Because the system was not programmed, it could produce surprising results! Results never anticipated by the programmers. That was why they could seem “ lifelike “.
DNA computing involved agent – based programs that modeled biological populations importantly in the real world. Like the programs that mimicked ant forging to control big communications networks. Or programs that mimicked division of labor among termite colonies to control thermostats in a skyscraper. And closely related were the programs that mimicked genetic selection, used a for a wide range of applications. Example of one such application is – witnesses to a crime were shown nine faces and asked to choose which was most like the criminal, even if none really were; the program then showed them nine more faces, and asked them to choose again; and from repeated generations the program slowly evolved a highly accurate composite picture of the face, far more accurate than any police artist could make. Witnesses never had to say what exactly they were responding to in each face, they just chose, and the program evolved.
Most AI systems are very static. Most of them can usually only solve one given specific problem, since their architecture was designed for whatever that specific problem was in the first place. Thus, if the given problem were somehow to be changed, these systems could have a hard time adapting to them, since the algorithm that would originally arrive to the solution may be either incorrect or less efficient. Genetic algorithms (or GA) were created to combat these problems. They are basically algorithms based on natural biological evolution. The architecture of systems that implement genetic algorithms (or GA) are more able to adapt to a wide range of problems. A GA functions by generating a large set of possible solutions to a given problem. It then evaluates each of those solutions, and decides on a "fitness level" (you may recall the phrase: "survival of the fittest") for each solution set. These solutions then breed new solutions. The parent solutions that were more "fit" are more likely to reproduce, while those that were less "fit" are more unlikely to do so. In essence, solutions are evolved over time. This way you evolve your search space scope to a point where you can find the solution.

Confusion leads to Confusion

2004-10-13T13:09:00.000+05:30

Ever wonder why ‘confusion’ word is used to denote a confused state? ( Actually a person might be as jobless as I’m to think about such a foolish and preposterous question ). The Chinese philosopher Confucius (who has confusion rhymed in his name itself) was so confused all the time, that his philosophies were also confusing enough to confuse the non-confused in order to ultimately confuse the world which otherwise was non-confused.
Confusion stems out from the fact that a situation when confused leads you into the ever increasing dark tunnel of further confusion. Until you enter this mother of all confusion which like quicksand engulfs you slowly into it and you with the ‘stuffed frog’ expression ( which has been the latest work of a taxidermist) , sense yourself slowly going down deeper and deeper until you see your doom ( not the game! ) clearly in front and decide suicide is far better option than getting confused. The more confused you think you are, the more confusion engulfs you in its confused state. Confused Eah ? Let me make it non-confusing. Ultimately, Confusion leads to confusion which misguides non-confused to fall into the clutches of the confused.
Before this post leads to further confusion, there is a non-confusing challenge to the reader. How many times have I used the word ‘confusing, confusion or confused’ in this post? post the answer as comment. The correct answer will receive a Gift hamper. Finally this post is dedicated to the people who remain confused all their lives. I hope they come out of it…

The Limits of the Limitless Mind

2004-10-13T13:07:00.000+05:30

Mind is considered to be a very complex organ. It is said to be almost 30 times more powerful than the most powerful computer ever built. With all the massive amount of data the mind can store and all the data it processes from various stimuli, mind is nothing but dependent, a slave ! why in spite of its immense abilities mind cannot master everything? We have engineers who specialize in engineering, they in turn have to depend on the doctors and vice versa. Why do you find people specializing in certain areas only? I guess if we knew everything we would be called the omniscient, omnipotent, the god. But I’m not getting involved with religion or philosophy here and my line of thought is purely logical and scientific.
In spite of all these short comings the mind is the ultimate creator of all man-made things including the puny thing we call as ‘computer’. Why then do we compare ourselves with something of our own creation? Doesn’t it sound stupid? Is it an indication of our insecurity levels? I guess these questions will be unanswered for a long time…

A Typical Collegy Day

2004-10-13T13:04:00.000+05:30

Getting up in the morning is probably as painful as a ‘root-canal surgery’. But nevertheless, I have to get up. That gives proof to people around you that you are alive. With great difficulty you get up and find the restroom occupied. You wait your turn in a fidget manner and then relieve yourself by flooding the shit holes! Then I drag myself to station to go to college. I wait patiently for the train and when it finally comes, I find it very ‘trainy’. I get in it and find myself amid people struggling to stand. The ratio of amount of free space to the amount of space occupied may be 1:10. Hanging alone the bars I reach college, probably ‘mougli’ would have found it an amusing journey but not me.
I reach class which is as ‘classy’ as it can get. Then I lay down my bed and sleep. Yeah ! that’s right I snore my head off. When the college gets over my ‘friendly friends’ wake me up and I wake up as a zombie would wake up from a grave. Anyway, I come home eat some ‘shit’ popularly called as food and again embrace the ‘brother of death’.
After reading all this, people might think that I have slipped a bit on my mental side, well for all your guesses you might be right!! There is a saying “ A person is what his environment around is”, so can I safely assume that all those around me are also nuts? What say?

" You Look Thin"

2004-10-04T18:46:00.000+05:30

there is this general opinion among the upper echelons of the creatures on Earth that I’m thin and all that they spot of me is a fully formed human skeleton and that too without an X-ray machine. other souls might be taken for a toss, but me being among the only few who could get a check-up without an X-ray machine, take it in an optimistic tone. I mean there might be a case where the other person has an ocular defect and I get the comment in turn. Vasuda, a friend of mine who greets me in a manner known to none. here’s a little example –

vasuda : “ Hi , Srikar you are thin “

This has happened so many times that, it sort of became my second name. in fact, if someone calls me just ‘srikar’ ,I sort of start wondering as to what happened to my other part of the name. I mean talk about give and take respect!! This is grossly against Gandhian principles. I would retaliate (just like Albert Einstein did when bitten by an ant)
by saying that maybe they should consult a ‘good ophthalmologist ‘. What Say??

The Way of Love

2004-10-04T18:43:00.000+05:30

[ Caution ]

People who are expecting something light and funny to read can close this page right
now !! The following content is “ food for thought “ and is alleged to cause severe mental agony to whoever reads it. The views expresses here are entirely mine and are based on my perceptions. and to answer a few – “ No, you needn’t be the intellectual equivalent of 50 Dalai Lama’s to understand this..”

[ Caution Ends ]

Most of you might have heard a saying “ God is Love and Love is God “. This reiterates the fact that there exists one supreme lord and love is common in this world. The Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus etc. worship different gods but, truly there is only one god. Why then if we love the same one god, do we quarrel? We quarrel because we do not know and understand what real love is. If we have true love and affection for the one supreme lord we will naturally love each other.
We are all part and parcels of the same supreme lord. Even though we are all individuals, we all depend upon the same sun & we all breath the same air. This is the principle of “ Unity in Diversity “. Unity refers to the fact that we are all part and parcels of the same lord, the father of all; and diversity refers to our eternal individual natures. Because this is the eternal reality, we will only find peace and happiness in this reality. Unity in Diversity will have no meaning if people have no faith in the supreme lord, or love for him & all his living entities. We cause misery due to misunderstanding. We do not know how to love everyone. This can only be achieved by first embracing the supreme love. Some of us think he does not exist at all, some think he is impersonal and some think there are different divinities for those of different religious faiths. For all I can say, they are still not mature enough to embrace the “All Attractive Reservoir of Pleasure “…

My First Poem

2004-09-30T13:31:00.000+05:30

One afternoon I was wondering as to how I would clean my dirty bike when suddenly it started to pour. The rain pelted like the proverbial ‘cats and dogs ‘. In fact, it came down so hard that literally the cats and dogs and their relatives ( with due respect to their lineage) had to run for cover. A sudden happiness came over me. At that precise moment, the poet in me woke up after a rather reaaaaly long sleep of 20 years. Nevertheless, to ‘start’ something is more an achievement that to do nothing. Some creatures might think otherwise, but since they are not humans we can give this thought a slip. Anyway as I was saying, I got inspired as any ‘real poet’ would and in one fit of inspiration wrote down a small poem !! but before you go any further-

{Disclaimer}
the masterpiece exhibited here is protected under the Copyright Act. Any copies in the form of mails ,Xerox’s etc. will be punishable under the Inter-Galactic Panel Court Act - " GET SCREWD IF YOU COPY 4089CX(b) ". this work is solely and entirely of the poet’s and of no one else . any resemblance to any other poem in any other form, in any other format , in any other country or for that matter any other part of this universe is merely a coincidence and nothing but coincidence. lastly, read it at your own risk and the poet is in no way responsible for whatever damage this poet may cause to the psychological state of the entity concerned. . .
{End of Disclaimer}

Rain, What a beautiful pain,
thundering among the clouds you come,
blistering through the skies,
and quench the mother Earth of its unending thirst;

Pristine though you are,
you are a rarity in this town,
Rain, What a beautiful pain,
Why don’t you come again…

Wouldn’t you call that ‘piece de resistance’ ! ( At least that is what I think so. I mean traditionally , it so happens that humans do appreciate their own work and I’m no different ). and lastly This poem is dedicated to the ‘god of thunder- Zeus’ and the ‘Dead poet’s society’. . .

P.S - I finally got a hassle free bike wash. I myself couldn’t have done a better job.

Do The Right Thing

2004-09-20T13:06:00.000+05:30

There is so much emphasis laid on doing the ' right ' thing that ' wrong ' becomes the ultimate villian in this precipitating world of human duties. Why do we percieve something as only ' right ' or ' wrong' ? Why not something else other than these conspicuously opposite twins? Can this perception be considered as a limitation of the Earthlings?
There is nothing wrong in perceiving everything that is ' wrong ' as ' right ' and everything that is ' wrong ' as ' right '. Why only ' right ' in fact it can be ' left ' , ' up ' , ' down ' ( & whatever else u can think of . . .). We are house trained to think & do everything that is ' right '. It is time we break the shackles & free our mind. This leads us to an area of disussion temporarily named " Dangerous Precedent " ( this is the ' right' name the author could think of . fell free to rename it to suit your tastes and interests ) i.e if we do the ' right ' thing now we might be forced to do the right thing again next time. And on that reasoning nothing should ever be done at all. To be precise : Many things may be done, but nothing must ever be done for the first time.
Scary isn't it? I know , I might be sounding a bit cynical, but then wahtever I'm thinking and writing ' right ' now might also be ' wrong ' ....

"The Height Of a Building"

2004-09-20T11:29:00.000+05:30

This is an interesting article i came across some time ago. I thought it worthwhile to publish, since it enlightens us on various mundane ways ' to measure the height of a building ' -

There was a Physics student in the University of Copenhagen. In his degree exam a question was asked "
Describe the height of a skyscraper with a barometer?". One student replied - " tie a long piece of string
to the neck of the barometer , then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground.
The length of the string plus the length of the length of the barometer will equal the height of
the barometer".
This highly original answer didn't strike a chord with the professor and the student
was failed. The student however, appealed on the grounds that the answer was indisputably correct. So
the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter declared that the
answer was indeed correct but it didn't display any knowledge of physics.
To resolve the problem it
was decided that the student was to be given 6 minutes within which he had to give a verbal answer
which showed at least a minimum familiarity with physics. For 5 minutes the student sat in silence,
deep in thought. The arbiter reminded him that the time was running out. The replied by saying that
he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind. On being advised to hurry
up the student replied as follows -

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and
measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can be worked out by the
formula H = 0.5g * t2. But bad luck on the barometer."

"or if the sun is shining u could measure the height of the barometer, then set it one end and measure
the length of the shadow. Then u measure the lenght of the skyscrapers shadow, and thereafter
it is simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper".

"But if u wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer
and swing it like a pendulum first st ground level and then on the roof. The height is worked out by
the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2pi ( sq root (1/g)).

" If u merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, u could measure the air pressure on the roof
of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height
of the building".

" But since we are consistently being exorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific
methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him ' If u
would like a nice new barometer , i will give one to u if u tell me the height of the building".

The student was Niels Bhor , the only Dane to win a Noble for Physics.

Shadowed Days Ahead

2004-09-13T13:48:00.000+05:30

I was walking down the street thinking god was in his heaven and all was right with the world, when suddenly something hit me. . .

[ RECAP ]

Some ' Shrimplike ass ' SMS'ed me saying that the semester exams are going to start.

[RECAP ENDS ]

At that moment i could picturize the dickens of an exam laughing at me and wanting to devour my flesh and bones. I mean with each passing day i will be getting close to this satanish ordeal, considering I haven't even a text book so far. With dangerously low attendence percentage, 4th year so far has been just a correspondence course. I fell like a useless burden to the Earth !!
Now my train of thought shifted from the present to the past, thinking what went wrong ( It might have been better if I had done that ; It might have been better had i not done that . . . ). Aah, beat it !! You know what , after all this what i have realised is that of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these - " It might have been . . ."

' Yes Minister, Minister '

2004-09-13T13:32:00.000+05:30

' Yes minister' from the diaries of a cabinet minister gave me new revelations into a politician's and civil servants administrative life. The way these ' bloks ' deal with solutions to problems is reallly smooth. Probably as smooth as a Toad's stomach. . .
There was this one case where this civil servant ' Sir Humphrey ' wanted to say to the MP that it's not his job to run the department. Instead he puts it this way -

" Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsibilities has always been so
determined as to liberate the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutie
by devolving the managerial functions to those who experience and qualifications
have better formed them for the performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing
their political overlords for the more onerous duties and profound deliberations that
are the inevitable concomitant of their exalted position "

Phew !! Try beating that. I always thought that women had a way to complicate things. Well, I was wrong . . .

Gods : let's play Iliad

2004-09-10T13:47:00.000+05:30

I'm done with Iliad 2 weeks ago, but yet to get over the hangover. I mean any sane person would actually find it hard to believe the kind of interest gods show in this war.
One fine day Zeus wakes up with his big and potent family and decides to play the game of ' Iliad '. This sounds as simple as playing the game of ' LIFE ' !! the people back on earth ( both akhains and trojans ) do what not to please the gods. i mean if gods are pleased by the quality and the type of sacrifices one gives then " here me O lord, governor of all movable and immovable, accept my sacrifice to honour you - The best of the lads of the Dept. of CSE , in a small cluttery college called SRM engg. college of the name ' vivek srikumar'. the purest of souls and a virgin too !! accept him & grant my wishes". phew !! That was easy.
i don't mean to derogate Homer in any way. he's done a commendable job inspite of his handicap. Cheers to him !! But if you minus the gods from this voluminous 600 page book, I guess this epic wouldn't have existed considering that the war wouldn't have taken place !! Just an after thought. . .